OK So You Hate the Federal Government

So here’s the deal. You do not have to pay any money to the IRS, but:

  • You cannot drive on interstate highways
  • Neither you nor your children can enlist in any branch of the U.S. military
  • If you are on a sinking boat, you cannot be rescued by the Coast Guard
  • You cannot take any medication approved by the Food and Drug Administration
  • You cannot take part in any clinical trial sponsored in any way by the National Institutes of Health (NIH)
  • You cannot receive any medical therapy that is a direct result of NIH research
  • No illness you develop can be reported to the Centers for Disease Control
  • You cannot receive medical care from any doctor who had their medical education paid for in lieu of national service
  • You cannot receive medical care from any health care professional who was trained in the U.S. military
  • You cannot visit any national park, camp in any national forest or enroll in senior discount programs for these locations
  • You cannot lease any land or exploration rights from the Department of the Interior or any other federal agency
  • You cannot buy a house under any Department of Housing and Urban Development program
  • Your funds in bank accounts cannot be insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation
  • If you farm, your crops cannot be insured by any U.S.Department of Agriculture (USDA) program, and you are also not eligible for any USDA subsidy programs
  • If you are having trouble buying enough food, you are not eligible for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), also a USDA program
  • If your property is destroyed in a flood, hurricane, earthquake or tornado, you are not eligible for any Federal Emergency Management Agency program
  • You cannot fly on any airplane that is under the jurisdiction of any federal air traffic control agency
  • Even if you could fly on an airplane, you cannot be screened by the Transportation Security Agency
  • If you live near a Superfund site, your property is excluded from remediation by the Environmental Protection Agency
  • If you work in a physically dangerous environment, your particular job in the workplace cannot be protected by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. If you leave your job, then it can.
  • If you are a veteran, you and no member of your family can receive any benefits or services from the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)
  • Your children cannot be enrolled in any school supported by Department of Education programs, including vouchers for private/charter schools
  • Your college-age students are ineligible for Pell Grants and cannot submit a Federal Student Aid form for any other tuition assistance
  • Your smart phone is not eligible for protection under any Federal Communications Commission program
  • You cannot drive an over-the-road truck because you are not eligible for any Federal Traffic Safety Administration certifications
  • You cannot get a passport from the U.S. Department of State
  • If you are in trouble in a foreign country, you cannot get help from the State Department (except you are unlikely to be in a foreign country because you can’t get a passport)

Enjoy your tax-free life.

© 2018 Joseph Galligan

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